I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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