She said her name was "party"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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