Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I've blown a few things in my day
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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