I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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