shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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