alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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