he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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