It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
