I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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