as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
