Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
