i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
