You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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