I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
zippers are such a cool invention
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize