If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
