the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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