I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
