Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
