I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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