I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize