If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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