i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Mom said you looked used
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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