her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
its liver damage thursday
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
