So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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