I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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