There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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