Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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