So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
