if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
