Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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