Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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