Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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