Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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