Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
