All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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