You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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