Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
did i just pee glitter
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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