He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
