we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
