wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
