At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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