I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
