Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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