Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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