first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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