I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Everclear isn't food dammit
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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