1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
