I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
