im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize