Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
