I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize