We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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