I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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