then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
