Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
