Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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