If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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