I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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