i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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