walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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