I wannas sexs uuuuu
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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