some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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