my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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