i think my mom watched the whole time
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
