i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
