Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
