i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
