What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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