You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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