I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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