I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
