omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
