How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He has the fingertips of a God
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