Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
