We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
