Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
