Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
