Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
