Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
