We won't sleep together?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
