I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
