i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize