i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
