I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
