I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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