worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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