is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
