Are we in a gay sports bar?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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