that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
