so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
