Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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