id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
