ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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