either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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