My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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