dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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