I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
