Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
