I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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